National Grief Awareness Week. The Grief That Starts Before Goodbye

Grief is not a single moment. It isn’t just the final breath, the last phone call, or the quiet closing of a door.  Grief can begin long before goodbye, long before we even have the words to name it.

For many, grief arrives as a slow unravelling, not a sudden strike, but a quiet, physical breaking that aches through the body long before the heart understands why. It comes in waves that feel confusing and lonely, the shock that something is changing, the denial that whispers maybe it’s not as bad as it seems, the anger that flares at the unfairness of it all, the bargaining with life, doctors, hope itself. Then come the heavy days of depression, the weary acceptance, and eventually, gently the integration, when grief becomes something we fold into our lives instead of fight against. These seven stages don’t follow rules or order. They loop, repeat, collide. Grief is messy because love is messy.

And nowhere is this more true than in dementia.

The grief of losing someone who is still here

When someone we love is living with a Dementia, we lose them in pieces.

The person we once knew, their stories, their jokes, the way they said our name, slowly fades away. You find yourself grieving a laugh that no longer comes, a conversation that now circles endlessly, the spark in their eyes that used to recognise you in an instant.

It is a grief that feels almost invisible, because the world often expects grief to follow death. But here, death has not come, only the quiet, painful vanishing of the person you remember. And that raises a question many carry in their hearts - is this grief any different from the grief that follows death?

In truth, it isn’t.

The pain is real. The loss is real. The longing is real.

It is grief in slow motion, stretched across months or years, demanding a different kind of strength, the strength to keep loving with your whole heart, even as the person you love fades before your eyes.

As National Grief Awareness Week approaches, it encourages us to recognise this quieter grief for what it is. The theme “Growing with Grief” reminds us that grief doesn’t fade just because someone is still here. Instead, we grow around the ache. We adjust our hearts, reshape our routines, and learn to love the person in front of us while mourning the person they used to be.

In the everyday moments, grief lies quietly

In social care, grief isn’t rare or loud, it lives quietly in the day-to-day. It appears in the trembling smile of a son who repeats himself again and again, trying to hold back the grief of knowing his Dad no longer remembers the world they once shared.  In the soft sigh of a wife watching the person she married drift further into a world she cannot enter.  In the long pause before a carer answers the same question again, and again, and again - with kindness, because they know it isn’t really the question that matters, but the reassurance behind it.

These moments rarely make headlines, but they shape the days of those who love, and those who care.

Within this grief, something else grows too.  A tenderness that wasn’t there before. A fierce patience. A love that holds on, even through the cracks and the hurt.

Families learn to hold on to the moments that are still left - a warm hand held tightly, a flicker of recognition, a shared song that somehow still reaches the heart. They are small moments, but they become everything.

You don’t have to carry grief alone

National Grief Awareness Week is a reminder that grief isn’t something we should carry alone. When we talk about it, it becomes a little lighter. Stories connect us. Sharing brings comfort.

The Good Grief Trust continues to shine a light for anyone walking through loss, whether that loss is sudden, expected, complicated, or stretched across years of dementia.  No one should feel isolated in their grief, especially when their heart feels fragile.

This week is a chance to reach out, to talk, to really listen, and to give your grief some room, not to fix it or make it disappear, but to let a little hope grow alongside it.

National Grief Awareness Week runs from 2nd–8th December 2025

 

 For more information about Evolve Care Group: www.evolvecaregroup.com/contact-us

 

 

National Tree Week

November marks the start of the annual tree planting season when thousands of trees and hedgerows are planted by nature conservationists and tree-lovers.

Today let's focus on Bideford's iconic Wonky Conker which still stands tall with a little helping hand. It is perfectly positioned on Kinglsey Road just beyond the Burton Art Gallery and Museum by the entrance to Victoria Park beside the Charles Kingsley Statue on Bideford Quay.

The Wonky Conker ‘The Helping Hand’, by local artist and wood carver John Butler , was commissioned by Torridge District Council some 20 years ago.  The metal prop is covered to look like a log wrist, with oak used to carve the hand & fingers. John Butler was also the curator at Bideford's Burton Art Gallery for 30 years and now continues his art from Bideford Pannier Market.

Photos of the Wonky Conker'Helping Hand' copyright Pat Adams North Devon Focus

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National Tree Week runs from 22nd November – 30th November

"National Tree Week, brought to you by The Tree Council and partners, brings together the conservation sector, volunteers and tree-lovers to mark the start of the annual tree planting season by planting thousands of trees and hedgerows and celebrating these magnificent mainstays of our landscapes." (tree council.org.uk)

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Finding the Right Rhythm: How Music Brings Connection to a North Devon Nursing Home

At Heanton Nursing Home in Braunton, music isn’t just background noise, it’s a source of comfort and connection.

For family members living with a Dementia, the right song can create a sense of calm, familiarity and belonging, moments that lift the atmosphere and bring people together. Robin Mitchell, who leads regular sing-alongs at the home, has seen first-hand how powerful music can be, and how important it is to get it right.

The music filling the lounge at Heanton might surprise people. Rather than relying on traditional wartime tunes, the playlists are shaped around the eras that today’s older adults grew up with - the 1960s and 70s.

Research into dementia and the brain has shown that the music people listen to in their teens and twenties tends to stay with them throughout life. According to Dementia UK, those years form strong emotional connections in the brain, meaning familiar songs from that period can create a sense of comfort and recognition, even decades later.

For Heanton’s family members, that means the sound of Sweet Caroline (released in 1969), ABBA, or Tom Jones is often what gets toes tapping and faces lighting up. Music from that era isn’t just nostalgic, it’s part of peoples lived experience, connected to the times they were working, raising families or even dancing at the weekend.

“When the right song comes on, you can see the change,” says Robin. “Someone who’s quiet might start tapping their feet, moving with the rhythm or joining in with a few words. It’s like the music gives everyone a lift.” 

Studies by the NHS, Dementia UK and Alzheimer’s Society have long supported this approach, showing that familiar, preferred music can help reduce anxiety, encourage communication and social interaction, and promote a sense of wellbeing. It can also offer peace and comfort at more reflective moments.

Robin adds, “Even a song that brings a tear can be a positive thing, it helps people express how they feel. Everyone connects to music in their own way, and that’s what makes it special.”

Music plays an important role at Heanton. As a complex care home, someone’s feelings is an important part of truly understanding each person they support. Noticing the small things, tuning into emotions, and anticipating needs long before they’re expressed. Robin’s singalongs are a perfect example of this approach, using music to reach family members on an emotional level, helping them create moments of connection and enjoyment that feel familiar, personal and real.

To find out more about the care and support offered at Heanton Nursing Home, visit Dementia, Complex, Respite, and Residential Care in Devon